Reviews for Finding Love Again

It took me a while to do, I wasn’t sure I wanted to read them, but I’m so glad I did. Reading the reviews of Finding Love Again (previously titled Finding Love: 7 Things You Need to Know Before You Date Again) made the three years of research and writing worthwhile. I’m sitting at my desk right now feeling grateful and humbled that these readers have let me into their lives.

Some of the reviews you can find online: cover-aguidefindingloveagain-carolynmartinez-final-aguideto

‘A real and honest book, inspiring,’ Adriana Avellis.

‘A brilliant book. The people are so brave to have shared their journeys, mistakes and successes. Highly recommended,’ Karen Crofts.

‘Since reading this book I have been motivated into finding love again and this is after being single for over 10 years. I’ve already been on two dates and have totally changed my approach to dating. I now feel rejuvenated and know that at 53 I am going to find love again. Thanks for writing this Carolyn, educational and entertaining, I am already recommending it to all and sundry,’ Lynette Hammond.

‘I was overjoyed to read Carolyn Martinez’s Finding Love Again. It is practical, full of wonderful self-reflection exercises and most importantly Carolyn’s ‘you-can-do-it’ approach. She is like a wonderful dating coach. She believes you will fall in love again and her positivity is absolutely uplifting. My favourite part of the book is the self-reflection exercises. These are valuable tools for evaluating the lessons you have learned so far, the wisdom you have gained and seeing how you can apply these to your next relationship. There will be another relationship! If you doubt this, or you are single – and don’t want to be – this is the book for you,’ Kimberly O’Sullivan

‘There are many good books available that deal with the topic of love but none so sound as this one. This book should be integrated into our curriculums in high schools so that our greatest resource – our young people – get a break early on in their lives. For those whose relationships stagnate, finish or continue to torture please read this book. I shall be recommending it to all my friends and the large number of people I talk to who are seeking to make sense of their lives,’ Grief & Wellness Services, Bob Wyborn.

‘This book has the power to change lives,’ Leigh Hutton, Author, Jump Girl and Race Girl.

‘Finding Love Again is a valuable manual on how to ensure that a second relationship is sustainable. Even if you aren’t looking for love, there are lessons to be learned here. Finding Love Again is a well-written, sensitive and very easy to read book full of stories, ideas, and advice on how to find love, and more importantly I think, how to keep love strong for the duration,’ Maggie Ball, Critic, Compulsive Reader.

Purchase Book

Write a Better Letter

Australian author Susannah McFarlane has co-authored the book titled ‘The Year I Met My Other Mother’ with her birth mother Robin Leuba about their extraordinary adoption reunion story. The book is “…a piercingly honest and often hilarious story of what it takes for families to reconnect – and stay there – after a lifetime apart”.

I listened to their interview on ABC radio. Whilst the interview conveys many powerful angles and emotions, one phrase struck a chord with me; Susannah said, “I needed to write a better letter”.

Why is this so relevant in relation to finding love? I am a firm believer in the power of forgiveness, not only to others but to self. Susannah’s birth mother made contact with her quite a number of years after her adoption, when she felt she could/should make contact. Whilst Susannah always knew she was adopted, Robin’s contact came to disrupt her world so she responded with a polite letter saying ‘thanks but no thanks’. It took some years before Susannah felt the need to reconnect with Robin. Hurt, disruption, emotion, curiosity, anguish needed to take place before Susannah felt compelled to ‘write a better letter’, one that would start a process of healing and re-connection.

In my personal experience, it took me 5 years after a breakup before I could honestly and genuinely give myself to another person and start a new relationship. I’m happy to report that this person is now my wife and we have 2 beautiful children. I accept that my (as is everyone else’s) journey is unique and I’m not recommending that anyone takes as long to heal as I did! I am advocating for taking control of one’s life, discovering what we want and what we don’t want (critical values) and being prepared to proactively and purposely act on these. In my case, my healing process involved reconnecting with my ex-partner and in some level I needed to seek forgiveness for our breakup. I don’t think I wrote a letter, but I hope that my actions told that story.

Susannah’s book can be found at:

Listen to the full interview at:–mcfarlane/8063362

Author Saul Martinez is an advocate for the book Finding Love Again

Consciously Moving Towards Where You Want to Be

I listened to “Michael Doleman and the sinking of the Blythe Star” on ABC radio. By now you’d realise I am an avid listener to ‘Conversations’ so it’s no surprise that this is a source of frequent self-reflection for me. This is a remarkable story of survival which is well worth a listen to. He spoke highly of the ship’s Chief Mate, Ken Jones, who tragically died in the incident. He calls him ‘remarkable’, a ‘true leader’. What struck me were the words ‘….he took control…oozed confidence and leadership’. All too often we find ourselves drifting, especially in times of crisis. Situations like a natural disaster, death of a loved one, losing our job or being stuck in a dead end one, a breakup, or finding love again require us (command us) to take control, take charge, of the situation and take proactive steps to get to the place where we want to be.

I’m lucky enough to have a life coach. Peter runs his own company (Elephant Capability). He looks older than me but he is in fact younger than me (!), yet he steers me towards wisdom I didn’t realise I had. A coach won’t tell you what to do, but through clever conversation he allows you to figure things out for yourself. The answer lies within you.

Recently, Peter drew me a diagram with a star at one end and a very shoddy stick person at the other. He said, here’s you (stick person) and here is the goal that you’re trying to achieve (star). There’s a vertical line somewhere in between where two forces collide, one set of forces push you toward your goal (star) and the other push you away (toward the stick person, the current state of play). The forces are either Enablers or Disablers to reach that goal. We listed these forces and agreed on maximising the enablers and removing (or sometimes ‘dialling down’) the disablers. In other words, do more of the things that move you towards your goal and do less of what takes you away from it. Pretty simple right? It is, but it all started with that first step – taking charge. Realising that something is not working, or that there’s an end point we want to reach and have not yet done so is the first step to achieving that goal. The rest is then up to us.

I don’t think I’ve ever cruised through life but there have been times when I’ve been stuck in a rut, or drifted a bit. These are not fun times. I’ve always had good outcomes from taking charge and consciously identifying that I’m not where I want to be and (again) consciously acting to move toward the desired state, which is by definition a better state than the one I’m in. Simple? It is, but it requires conscious action. It requires taking charge.

Saul Martinez is an advocate for Finding Love Again.