I have a Facebook page called Finding Love Again. Without a doubt, the most popular posts I put on my Facebook page relate to loving being single. How do I feel about that? I LOVE IT!
Want to know why? Because the ramifications of getting your next relationship wrong are so far-reachingly disastrous. If we’re lonely, or low on self-esteem, it can be easy to jump into a relationship to solve that immediate problem. NO NO NO please don’t do that!
Your partner is the most critical element in your life! They’re the ones you spend most of your time with. They’re the ones who can either uplift or destroy you. They’re the ones who largely determine if you’re happy or unhappy. All this usually comes out after the honeymoon period has ended.
What will happen if you accept less than your ideal match?
- You’ll feel even more lonely than before. Who’s experienced feeling lonely while being with someone? It’s far worse on many levels, particularly our mental health, than feeling lonely while alone.
- Missed opportunity. If you’re with the wrong person, you’re not available for the right person.
- Missed smiles, fun and happiness.
- Missed support.
- A gradual and pervasive erosion of your self-confidence. If everything feels a battle, one can’t help but doubt themselves.
- Missed life goals. Time can pass by and be wasted while you’re with the wrong person.
What will happen if you wait for the right person?
- You’ll be energised, happy, confident.
- You’ll feel light, and largely worry-free.
- You’ll flourish and grow and excel in all areas of your life.
- You’ll be calm and thoughtful.
- You’ll be empowered.
So am I insulted that the popular posts relate to single empowerment rather than finding love again? Not one bit. I’m encouraged that people ‘get it’.
Choosing your next partner is one of the most important decisions you will make. Make it a conscious, thoughtful choice with your ideal future in mind. Leave reactivity for the fools. Love being you, love being single, enjoy this time in your life and when the time comes ‘settle’ for your equal, not second best. Choose a partner who will most definitely enhance your life, and walk alongside you as the best versions of yourselves.
I do believe that life is better with a team mate by our side. But I most definitely also believe that it has to be the right team mate.
Carolyn Martinez is the author of Finding Love Again (A Guide).